It's been raining heavily since last night and that makes me so happy. I love the rain, I love walking under the rain, I love it when the sky is grey, I love listening to the thunders... I've been playing minesweeper a lot lately, it's basically my comfort game at this point. I used to play it only when I was going through some stuff and needed something to keep my mind busy, but now I've been playing more often and ut keeps me entertained. That's it for now. Bye, you.
Goddamn it. I showed my mum that review I made saying the only good part in American Psycho is seeing Christian Bale naked and covered in blood. Today she showed it to my cousins and they laughed at me, I'm so pissed. Why did she have to show them!? I swear, I can't trust her with anything, I'm so embarrassed... She ALWAYS does things like this, I tell her secrets and then she brings them up in a conversation with other people and she's like "oh tell them what happened the other day, tell them what you said!" UGHHHH I hate it... I'm mad, and almost cried, I'm a crybaby. That's it. Bye, you.
I feel like im in some kind of phase of self sabotage, if that makes sense. I haven't been replying to texts, I'm not studying, I don't care about what I look like, I just don't want to get better. I feel like blocking this person I know but I'm waiting until they text me first so I can block them. I don't know why, I just want to know that they saw the moment I blocked them, even if I don't see their reaction, I want them to think "what did I do wrong?" or maybe they'll just ignore it, maybe even say "oh god, finally, now I don't have to text this idiot." It's 3 am as you can see. I'm still awake because fear of death, guns, whatever. If you read my previous entries you understand this. I don't know, that's it for now. Bye, you.
Haven't been active since I became addicted to an underrated DS game, "Magician's quest mysterious times". It's pretty damn good, basically a copy of Animal Crossing but way better. I had some weird thoughts last night and I wanted to share them here but I was to tired to grab my phone and start typing, and I would type them now but they were really edgy and stupid. Something about my fear of death, the feeling of having a gun pointing at me every night, something about wanting to kill someone since we only live once. Anyways, I've been feeling weird lately. I shaved the sides of my head, though it's not really visible since it's covered by my hair, I'm planning to dye the shaved part, maybe something like the images below. I'll go play Magician's quest now. Bye, you.
I just got home after seeing my therapist, we talked about my anger issues and my lack of purpose in life or whatever I'm going through right now. She made a schedule for me, she wants me to spend at least an hour every day studying for the subjects I failed last year and just the thought of doing that makes me want to jump off a cliff. I got in the car with my mum and told her that I was going to start studying today and she basically said that I'm a fucking idiot for failing 3 subjects, that it isn't that difficult to study and now I'm in vacation and I have to study instead of rotting in my bed in peace. That made me mad as fuck. Yes your son is a fucking idiot! he couldn't pass those exams because he was too busy crying in his room and dealing with his stupid suicidal thoughts! and I'm really sorry that I'm a disappointment to you because you were the best student at your school!!! Goddamn it. I didn't say anything to her, I was so pissed off and frustrated that if I had tried to say a word I would've started crying like a bitch. Anyways, that's it for now. Bye, you.
The week started nicely, I was feeling happy for the first time in a while. Of course it had to be ruined by a horrible headache and stomach ache. I was going to go eat ice cream with my mum and her boyfriend last night but I wasn't feeling well. I cried out of frustration in my room, suddenly I was angry because of my physical pain. I thought about death as I do every night. I have this feeling that I'm going to die by being shot in the head while my guard is down, every night I have this weird feeling on my forehead, as if something is about to touch it and I can't sleep well. That's all for now, just needed to write it down. I'm hungry, I should go downstairs and eat breakfast while everyone is asleep. Bye, you.
Hi, you. I guess I should write something here at some point. This is more of a test than a real entry. I'll use this section to update you on my eventful life or to write some personal thoughts of mine. I'll be really open about everything, as if this was a personal diary and not something that anyone can read. But honestly I don't care who reads it, I know no one who knows me in real life will ever find this. Anyways, I would write what I did today but it's still early and I haven't done anything besides working on this website and eating breakfast and lunch. Maybe I'll draw something later today. Okay, that's all I have to say for now. Bye, you.
